The not so tragically hip

I'm a soundguy. I spent the last several years working corporate, theatre, and generally "higher-class" events. Lately, I've been doing a lot of club work though, and it's taught me something.

The Great White Fire was not a tragedy, it was a blessing.

Why I'm voting Obama:

The caption on this picture reads:
Me at the McCain/Palin rally! I was SO psyched to be there!:) (Niki touched up this pic and added mascara-I swear I wasn't wearing that much!:) LOL!

Yeah.

Its also worth noting that this stupid cunt posted the picture below.








Yes, its from far away but doesn't it just highlight the diversity at this McCain Palin rally?

Its a sea of....redneck.

Craigslist: bastion of hope to the really pathetic.

Ever spend much time perusing craigslist personal ads?

When I'm bored, I find these things are packed with endless entertainment...mostly because they are just really, really pathetic. And the most pathetic ads inevitably come from the missed connections.

Here is an example:

mkay I doubt this will work but today's drive home from mcc...little after 11

I remember 2 of you in the silver car...waving your arms frantically, pointing at your cellphone (I almost crashed because I was so distraced lol)

I think you were trying to give me your number...or something...but I drove off to 490W and you kept going up 390N...

I have no idea what the hell you were doing but if you want to chat, send me an email and say something about my car or something so I know its you (why the hell am I doing this lol)

thx
<3


I'm not sure where to start with this. While its obvious anyone who uses both "lol" and "thx" needs to die, I'm not sure who needs to die more - the poster or the people actually doing...what is it they were doing? Pointing at their phone? Trying to get laid while driving based on whatever brief glimpse they may have had?

Another fun example:


Women of Perinton Wegmans/ DAMN!!!!!!! - m4w
Date: 2008-09-30, 3:56PM EDT


LOL....a few days ago, I posted about the natural, beautiful ladies at Perinton Wegmans. Thinking it might be a fluke of a day, I went back today. NO FLUKE!!! The prettiest women shop at that store. I think I have a new "happy hour" spot to hang. Hahahaha. Anyways ladies, again, hats off to you!!! You put a smile on my face. And NO......this is not a perverted beautiful thing either. So, before some idiot jumps on that band wagon, they are just pretty to look at!


Now what is HE trying to accomplish by advertising the fact that he leers at women while shopping? Does he expect someone will respond and be happy they heard the compliment and will instantly want to bone him? Or does he just not realize that NOBODY GIVES A FLYING FUCK? Really, inquiring minds want to know.

Ugh. And as I continue to search, they go on.
Glances on the highway, seeing someone across the aisle at Wal*Mart. Its crap like this. And TONS of it...daily. Most of these are really vague; yet the poster inevitably puts the impetus on the reader to respond.

Which brings me to an interesting one:

Pretty brunette woman running on East Ave - m4w - 27
Date: 2008-09-25, 10:04PM EDT


I don't know if you ever check this, but I was wondering if you were single. Please send a message and about the time you were running so I'll know it's you.


Now.

Really?

East ave is a busy street. A lot of people run on this street. I happen to be one of them. I was honked at the night this was posted. My hair is brown. Whether or not I qualify as "pretty" is up for debate. But that's beside the point...what kills me is WHAT THE HELL IS SOMEONE GOING TO SAY? I've asked myself this many times...though now that I could very well BE the target of one of these, well...color me even more boggled. Because really, this description is so so so beyond vague...does he seriously want any brunette who runs along the stretch to tell HIM when they were running so he can pick and choose from a lot of brown haired girls who happen to run?

I think this might be the response this pathetic loser is looking for:

"Hey there creep, my hair is brown and I THINK someone could potentially find me attractive. I ran about 2 miles along East Ave last Thursday, so I think its me you want to know about. Yes, I am single and PLEASE TAKE ME OUT FOR A DATE BECAUSE ITS NOT CREEPY AT ALL THAT YOU WERE LEERING AT ME!"

Though I'd be more inclined to respond with the following:

"Look, based on the time and place... it may have been ME you were leering at. That's creepy. And you are pathetic. I'll kick you in the nuts if I ever run into you in person. If you're lucky, I'll leave it there. If you're not so lucky...I'll just run you over with a car. In conclusion, die."

Hm. Not strong enough. But really, its not worth putting any more effort into this.

Though really, I feel like I should leave you with this post...because it may be even a degree more pathetic:

Hello Ladies and Good Morning - m4w
Date: 2008-10-02, 7:29AM EDT


Good Morning Ladies,
I have looked at the postings and I wonder if this ever works. Do you really read these and if so are you hoping that you will be in one of these missed connections? I know me as a guy does wish that someday I would receive a missed connection. That maybe in the huge world of Rochester, maybe someone would see me and say wow, I saw him looking at me. So does anyone else feel that way? I would like to know. So if you feel like replying to me, I would like to hear about it. Well, thanks for reading me and if you got all the way through this, please select reply to me.
Thanks and have a wonderful Thursday.
Just some guy

Wow.

This dipshit wants...someone...ANYONE to pay attention to him.

Do I really need to add commentary? I think the pathetic-ness speaks for itself.

Memo to ugly people:

Dear Uggos:

Please stop procreating.

No really. Stop. Stop having children. And whats more...please stop showing us the pictures telling us how cute they are when they are just...heinous.

And yes, I realize that even people that aren't completely hideous can create ugly babies. So if you are one of those people and your first kid is ugly? Don't have another.

Yes, I'm looking at you Jen Garner/Ben Affleck and Adam Sandler/Wife:







Your first borns are freaks of nature and the fact that you are bringing more into the universe is just...wrong.








No Love,
Beast Woman

Things I don't get:

It seems my workplace is full of people trapped in time. Because I cannot go a day without seeing yet another woman who insists on wearing their hair like this:





(Note: The person to the left is not someone I know. Thank google image search for the wonderful example though!)

Why do women still insist on wearing their hair like this?

It looked bad in the 80's, and it looks worse now. Yet on a daily basis...more of them emerge; smelling of aqua net; scrunchies in place. Are there salons stuck in time that still feather bangs and do perms? How does this happen?

No really...I want to know. Because the thing is, anyone who insists on wearing their hair like this also seems to be an absolute cunt, at least in my experience.

At one point recently I was at a meeting and some fat bitch who has her hair like this (that day it was worn back with a red scrunchie that clashed wonderfully with the pink floral shirt she wore) decided to spend the first 10 minutes regaling us with tales of her vacation which was, in a word, painfully boring. (Ok, that was two words.) She spoke loudly and laughed even louder, clearly getting off on monopolizing our time. During this time I studied the foul specimen: grossly overweight, clearly an avid Wal*Mart shopper (though her wardrobe seemed a step below even that, something I didn't think was possible...do Dollar Stores sell clothing?)...but yet so fucking full of herself. How? Why? After some thought, I realized its a simple lack of awareness.

Its not that I'm suggesting one need to be on the cusp of fashion in order to have an ego. That's not it at all.

What it is is the simple fact that most people just don't LOOK at anything other than their reflection. Whether literal (the two second glance in the mirror) or the figurative (hey, my life is a+b+c...therefore I am awesome.) Its myopic. They fall into these traps where they do and say and wear the same things and proudly being "creatures of habit" when the truth is they are boring and unimaginative. They do the same things because they lack the capacity for change and original thought. They've had the same haircut since 1982...so why change now?

Its kind of disturbing when you think about it because it is precisely this attitude that has gotten the U.S. into the situation we're in: why LOOK at reality when we can just take such and such at face value and go forward from there? Its OK the way it is! We're ALL OKAY!

Clearly, this is not, nor has it ever been the case.

So...is it really the case that the insistence on a bad, unfashionable, hideous hair cut could really be a metaphor for everything wrong with this country?

I don't know.

But I do know I want to take a fucking scissor to their heads. And not to stab them with it. I just want to get rid of their fucking hair.

Standards

Regarding the BeastWoman's observation below, I can't say I'm all that shocked. People have no fucking preference, because that requires having STANDARDS. God knows, we can't have that happening.

Nope, they're going to like "pretty much any" music, and they'll like "pretty much any" people too, I bet. Here's my simple rule: No preferences=no nuts=no brain=I hate you. This is why I hate so many of you fucking people. It's not that we're disturbed or fucked up, it's that most of you simply fall below the standards I have set.

Really?

According to blogger 1700 people list "pretty much anything" as their favorite music.

Really? Do you really like anything? Do you really have NO preferences at all? I'm all for eclectic taste but when "pretty much anything" is what you like can you actually have any taste at all?

I'm a bit...boggled.