Craigslist: bastion of hope to the really pathetic.

Ever spend much time perusing craigslist personal ads?

When I'm bored, I find these things are packed with endless entertainment...mostly because they are just really, really pathetic. And the most pathetic ads inevitably come from the missed connections.

Here is an example:

mkay I doubt this will work but today's drive home from mcc...little after 11

I remember 2 of you in the silver car...waving your arms frantically, pointing at your cellphone (I almost crashed because I was so distraced lol)

I think you were trying to give me your number...or something...but I drove off to 490W and you kept going up 390N...

I have no idea what the hell you were doing but if you want to chat, send me an email and say something about my car or something so I know its you (why the hell am I doing this lol)

thx
<3


I'm not sure where to start with this. While its obvious anyone who uses both "lol" and "thx" needs to die, I'm not sure who needs to die more - the poster or the people actually doing...what is it they were doing? Pointing at their phone? Trying to get laid while driving based on whatever brief glimpse they may have had?

Another fun example:


Women of Perinton Wegmans/ DAMN!!!!!!! - m4w
Date: 2008-09-30, 3:56PM EDT


LOL....a few days ago, I posted about the natural, beautiful ladies at Perinton Wegmans. Thinking it might be a fluke of a day, I went back today. NO FLUKE!!! The prettiest women shop at that store. I think I have a new "happy hour" spot to hang. Hahahaha. Anyways ladies, again, hats off to you!!! You put a smile on my face. And NO......this is not a perverted beautiful thing either. So, before some idiot jumps on that band wagon, they are just pretty to look at!


Now what is HE trying to accomplish by advertising the fact that he leers at women while shopping? Does he expect someone will respond and be happy they heard the compliment and will instantly want to bone him? Or does he just not realize that NOBODY GIVES A FLYING FUCK? Really, inquiring minds want to know.

Ugh. And as I continue to search, they go on.
Glances on the highway, seeing someone across the aisle at Wal*Mart. Its crap like this. And TONS of it...daily. Most of these are really vague; yet the poster inevitably puts the impetus on the reader to respond.

Which brings me to an interesting one:

Pretty brunette woman running on East Ave - m4w - 27
Date: 2008-09-25, 10:04PM EDT


I don't know if you ever check this, but I was wondering if you were single. Please send a message and about the time you were running so I'll know it's you.


Now.

Really?

East ave is a busy street. A lot of people run on this street. I happen to be one of them. I was honked at the night this was posted. My hair is brown. Whether or not I qualify as "pretty" is up for debate. But that's beside the point...what kills me is WHAT THE HELL IS SOMEONE GOING TO SAY? I've asked myself this many times...though now that I could very well BE the target of one of these, well...color me even more boggled. Because really, this description is so so so beyond vague...does he seriously want any brunette who runs along the stretch to tell HIM when they were running so he can pick and choose from a lot of brown haired girls who happen to run?

I think this might be the response this pathetic loser is looking for:

"Hey there creep, my hair is brown and I THINK someone could potentially find me attractive. I ran about 2 miles along East Ave last Thursday, so I think its me you want to know about. Yes, I am single and PLEASE TAKE ME OUT FOR A DATE BECAUSE ITS NOT CREEPY AT ALL THAT YOU WERE LEERING AT ME!"

Though I'd be more inclined to respond with the following:

"Look, based on the time and place... it may have been ME you were leering at. That's creepy. And you are pathetic. I'll kick you in the nuts if I ever run into you in person. If you're lucky, I'll leave it there. If you're not so lucky...I'll just run you over with a car. In conclusion, die."

Hm. Not strong enough. But really, its not worth putting any more effort into this.

Though really, I feel like I should leave you with this post...because it may be even a degree more pathetic:

Hello Ladies and Good Morning - m4w
Date: 2008-10-02, 7:29AM EDT


Good Morning Ladies,
I have looked at the postings and I wonder if this ever works. Do you really read these and if so are you hoping that you will be in one of these missed connections? I know me as a guy does wish that someday I would receive a missed connection. That maybe in the huge world of Rochester, maybe someone would see me and say wow, I saw him looking at me. So does anyone else feel that way? I would like to know. So if you feel like replying to me, I would like to hear about it. Well, thanks for reading me and if you got all the way through this, please select reply to me.
Thanks and have a wonderful Thursday.
Just some guy

Wow.

This dipshit wants...someone...ANYONE to pay attention to him.

Do I really need to add commentary? I think the pathetic-ness speaks for itself.