Pet Peeve #494853805837698

I have no problem holding doors open for people. Nor do I have an issue moving out of the way where others should have a right of way. For as much as I hate society as a large, I generally do not take issue with these little customs.

However...

If you're walking into a fucking elevator and have both of your hands completely empty? Don't fucking grunt "5" at me as if I'm standing there to serve you. Because I'm not. If I'm in the elevator, its because I'm going to wherever it is I'm going (and for the record, if you use the elevator to go up 3 flights or less I hate you just as much but that is a rant for another day).

Here is what I don't get -

WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS? Why is it OK to merely presume someone is going to be an enabler for your laziness?

Holding doors has some logic at least; as does clearing the way for those with the right of way. But asking people to press your floor on the elevator?

I try and always stand opposite the buttons to see how people react. They often appear annoyed or confused when they see me staring straight ahead and nowhere near the buttons. They often walk in and look at me with a fake smile as if they are about to ask me to push the goddamn button...only to look annoyed when they see not only am I not going to do this...I'm not going to acknowledge them either. Its amazing how often people are BOTHERED by this.

To these people I ask...does that little hand gesture really take that much energy? Does pushing a button on an elevator REALLY take that much energy? Do it your goddamn self.

Really.

While ideally you'd just kill yourself, I'll settle for you being an iota less lazy at this point.

Ok, perhaps this is...semi timely?

Dear Jingoists, lonely old bags (of douche...natch.), bandwagon jumpers, etc:

The Summer Olympics ended last Sunday and many of you still won't shut the fuck up about Michael Phelps. His athletic accomplishments notwithstanding...really? I mean, that aside...just look at the guy:
Apparently when not in the pool, he wears his hat crooked and sits at fashion shows with none other than the infamous Anna Wintour?

REALLY?

This, is your idol...people.

As Captain Jack so astutely noted at the height of Phelps-mania..."he's like Tom Brady...only gayer."

And let me remind you...HE IS AT A FASHION SHOW WITH ANNA WINTOUR.

He's a douche, and this sort of behavior is just...I don't know. It goes beyond douchery. Its just weird. And odd. Yet you people worship him anyhow. This dude. This idiotic genetic freak of nature who has had every advantage with his training and career. You people don't follow swimming any other time, just at the Olympics...so you can worship this douchebag....

WHO SAT WITH ANNA WINTOUR AT A FASHION SHOW.

Wow.

Yeah, I don't really need to add anything now...do I?

No Love to you idiots,

The Beast Woman

Not quite turtles, eh Chuck?

The Beast Woman just sent me this picture of some random cunt for us to mock.










She was feeling violently angry that such a person exists in the world, but calmed down a bit once I told her that the shirt's back reads "...From Evolution"

Entre Nous

Sociopathy has never really had its proper outlet into media. Consider this our entry, even if it's not really proper - more the barest possibility of an outlet we can come up with.

After years of mocking, deriding, and plotting against the rest of what you call humanity in the privacy of our own homes or for the entertainment of the small crowds around us, we decided we needed our own television or radio show.


Well, this will do for now.


Not you though. You won't do at all.


Pig.